006: How to Set & Maintain Your BOUNDARIES

The Stacey Flowers Podcast

You do not have to attend every conversation you are invited to.

SHOW SUMMARY

To grow you must set boundaries. Having healthy boundaries means knowing and understanding what your limits are. Rude, aggressive, toxic, bossy behavior is not acceptable. You were likely never taught how to teach people how to treat you and therefore you reinforce undesirable behavior. It’s your responsibility to set your boundaries and reinforce your boundaries so you can create real happiness in your own life.

SHOW NOTES

What are boundaries?

A line that marks the limits of an area

A boundary is when you examine your values and based on your values you detail acceptable and unacceptable behavior. Setting and sustaining boundaries is a skill. Your yes(s) and no(s) are what boundaries are made of.

Why do we need boundaries?

  • Because people can be toxic
  • Because people can be negative
  • Because people can be intrusive
  • Because people can be draining

How do you set and sustain boundaries?

Using the acronym S.T.O.P. will help you set and sustain your boundaries.

10:40 | S is for satisfying your needs before other people’s wants. Specifically, I’m talking about satisfying the six core human needs as defined by Tony Robbins. The six core human needs are certainty, uncertainty, love, significance, growth, and contribution. It is your responsibility to satisfy your core needs before the wants of others.

19:29 | T is for taking inventory of your values. You set your boundaries based on your values. If you don’t know your values you won’t know where to draw a line that limits others.

27:49 | O is overstating the obvious. It is your responsibility to share your limits with other people. Given that boundaries are based on your values, you must also be willing to share your boundaries. You will find yourself overstating things that seem obvious to you–state them anyway.

34:55 | P is protecting your self-reflect. You are lastly responsible for protecting your self-respect. Which really means protecting; knowing, liking, and loving yourself. Every time you allow someone to violate a boundary your self-respect is at risk. You must decide well before your boundary is every violated whether or not you are willing to pay to the cost of setting a boundary.

SHOW LINKS

I didn’t mention it in the Podcast but a book I’m adding this book to my winter reading list is: Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend 

Let’s read it together starting December 1st!

Smile, 

Stacey

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2 comments

  1. Hello…
    Last night I went to bed around 12:30a, literally thinking about my purpose and this morning I wake up to a text from my mother that included a link to your YouTube page on vision boards. That was cool, however what intrigued my interest in you was when you mentioned “sending the chicken back!” I am 41 year old mother of 2 amazing daughters who recently seperated from my husband after dating him for 7 yrs and married for a year then realizing I settled for great chicken when I expected a filet! Whats funny is I thought if I added a few extra ingredients he just may taste like steak…uh…yea..no! Still chicken! So now that I have actually taken action and sent him back, I am a total villian and horrible monster of a person just because for the 1st time in my life Ive decided to make myself a priority! Im in the process of finding out who I really am and whats funny is…I actually like her…more like LOVE her. People’s intimidation of my strength has made me ALWAYS alter myself so they can be comfortable, I have vowed to never compromise myself ever again! Ok enough of that…im about to start following you cause Im inspired and finding out about you this morning is a total confirmation that Im moving in the right direction! Im the cook_queen76 on instagram…im about to follow you!

    Stay Amazing,

    Walidah

    1. Yes! Yes! Yes! When I teach The Ultimate Vision Board Party LIVE, I share the whole story of chicken vs. steak. But it’s so true too many people accept chicken when they want steak. If you want steak… prepare, order, and wait for steak life is so much happier when we don’t compromise! Also cheers to this next chapter of your glorious life! Thank you so much for following.

      Smile,
      Stacey