Life Lately No. 4

Because my definition of success and happiness is rooted in personal growth, it’s refreshing to rediscover the little things indeed make a big difference.

Healing

When the weather didn’t stop me I knew I was getting better. It was raining cats and dogs this morning when I woke up. But I got up and carried myself to the library anyway. When I finally nestled into my seat and shook off the raindrops and pulled out my laptop, iPad, and sketch pad there was a moment of satisfaction as I realized that I made the choice to get up and out the house today a decision I could not imagine doing last week. So healing is happening and my choices are returning to me.

Learning

I’m learning to love the game. Specifically the game of basketball. I went to my very first Bulls game. I sat in a sky box so it was a pretty amazing experience, to say the least.

Parenting (Long-Distance)

I miss my human being. The hardest most devastating part of parenting is the separation between me and my child. Don’t get me wrong I am grateful for my son’s father, grandmothers, bonus mom, and extended family who have stepped in to help me raise my child village style but even in my gratefulness I feel the pain of being away from my son. What’s interesting is I can feel that it’s not just my son’s presence that I’m craving it’s also his need for me. It’s hard being ill because physically, emotionally, and mentally I can’t fulfill my own needs let alone my son’s need but there is a part of me that wants the stress of fulfilling his needs so I can snap out of how I’m feeling and focus on him. Again the hardest part for me being a parent is accepting the separation between my son and I. He’s healthy, happy, and enjoying life as a teenage human being. He’s not feeling anything that I’m feeling and I’m just going to have to be okay with it.

Reading

Peace From Broken Pieces by Iyanla Vanzant

Loving

I’m really loving my social break. I’m not on social media and it’s been clarifying, to say the least. I consider myself to be a strong person and rarely find myself comparing myself to my friends however I realized there are a few people whom I admire greatly and I had been subconsciously comparing myself to them. This is a toxic practice because well I’m telling myself I’m not good enough. And that’s not good enough. So my social media break has allowed me to run my own race and stay in my lane.

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