Here it is between: June – September, I racked up $2000 in personal debts.
This doesn’t seem like a lot but imagine if I owed you $500 and then the very next day on Facebook you read that I paid a big corporate conglomerate $1610.00.
Would you be a little confused… Eh Hem upset… Okay okay you’d be down right pissed, so would I and so are some of the people I owe.
It started innocently enough…
I budgeted for 6 weeks of no income. But due to a contractual misunderstanding and other untimely delays this turned into 13 weeks of no income.
13 weeks without a “significant” income is 3 months.
Now…close your eyes and imagine you have two kids, a cozy apartment, a boyfriend, and a 1989 Honda Accord LX, a business, + NO SAVINGS
Open them… And imagine not getting paid for three months!!! I nearly lost my mind during this “Season of NO”
I know what you might be thinking but what about your side hustle income? (1) Due to travel I couldn’t work my normal hustle hours (2) Serving at the end of summer is notoriously slow for the restaurant industry so when I did work I earned very little approximately $50 a week.
So while I made a little money here and there, I didn’t make enough money to make my life work so I borrowed money from friends believing whole heartedly that I’d pay them as soon as my checks started rolling in.
And this is where the problem began…
When the checks rolled in and they did my number one priority was: paying my student loans and catching up on my over due bills like Rent.
So by the time I paid three months worth of living expenses and my student loans I had zero dollars left.
In my mind I thought oh it’s okay my personal lenders (aka loving human beings who I know personally) should be okay for another week… I’ll have another check by then.
But NO checks arrived as planned so I was perpetually in this feast to famine cycle. And each time money rolled in I paid my student loans first.
Hindsight is 20/20 …
1.This was wrong on so many levels because my personal goal should not take priority to my friends generosity.
2. There is a reason I couldn’t WRITE a no more student loan post, it’s because I was wrong.
Allow me to explain…
As the no income months wore on, my personal life got a little interesting and by interesting I mean boring because not having an income is taxing on everyone in your life. The more interesting my personal life became the more I resented my $1610 minimum payment I thought man if I just didn’t have to pay so much we could get a little relief. So I kept throwing money at it thinking if I could just get rid of it then things could go back to normal… Ugh!
This obsessive behavior seemed to do nothing to inspire me to write or reduce my debt.
So I prayed and I said HEY GOD WHAT’S GOING ON?!?!?! WHY CAN’T I WRITE?!?!? (Yes, sometimes I yell i God, it’s cool we have an understanding)
And then God said to me…
HEY STACEY BECAUSE YOU ARE WRONG! YOU ARE USING PEOPLE FOR PERSONAL BENEFIT AND PEACE AND CALLING IT FAVOR. You know better.
I came out of my prayer time I little shaken up and then a Suzy Orman quote came to my mind “people first, then things, then money”
Then one of my friends (whom I owed money too) told me I was a hypocrite, the very next day.
My answer was crystal clear. I was wrong.
I was wrong because…
1. I let my personal (yet public) quest to repay all my student loans become more important than my friends bank accounts and generosity
2. I borrowed money. If your in the middle of a debt Smackdown it’s wrong (plus really stupid) to borrow money while your paying off debt… DUH Stacey
So what have I learned besides the fact that I was wrong?
1. I learned that I should NOT spend money before the check is in hand regardless of how much the check will be because “life-interest” is higher than credit card and student loan interest.
2. I learned that my brain + body has a built in fail safe. Essentially what this means is whenever I am wrong, out of order, or misaligned, my mind just won’t work.
It isn’t to say it shuts down all brain function but it shuts down enough in the area where I am wrong, to trigger a reaction, that sends an alarm to my psyche which causes me to go on a hunt (because we all know by now, I need to know WHY something is, before I can move), and this hunt will lead me to a resource that will help me realign.
We all have this system built in to our body some call it a conscience. It’s nice to know mine is fully operational.
3. I learned that dogged focus isn’t always right. Yes I should be stubborn about my goal, but I need to be flexible about the method I take to get there.
4. Owing loving human beings and crushing debt is next to impossible.
Because the way that life is setup, something will always (yes always) come up. And as humans we tend to use love rather than honor love.
That is what I did, I used love. I don’t want to be the kind of person who does that.
It’s taken me much longer to rebound from these personal debts and I’m learning now it’s because I dishonored my friends and their love for me.
I couldn’t write a post to give you an update on my #NoMoreStudentLoanDebt quest because I was completely out of order. I’m not completely in order just yet but I’m making progress.
And since I promised to keep you posted you’re privy to that progress… The good, the bad, and yes even the embarrassing + dishonorable.
To my patient friends who are reading this I apologize again for mistreating you. Please never ever ever extend me personal credit again. I won’t ask but if I do please say no. 😊
Thanks for reading.
P.S. As far as my student loans … I’m two months behind but more on that in the next post.