Managing Finances Now That We Live Together

In the real world, personal finances are already challenging to manage—so it’s no surprise that shared finances come with their own set of complexities. I wish more people, especially those with social media influence, were honest about the realities of shared finances. Right now, the online discourse for heterosexual relationships often insists that the man should pay for everything, and if he doesn’t, the woman is portrayed as someone who doesn’t know her worth.

In my opinion, this narrative is incredibly harmful. For one, it devalues a woman’s financial success. Contrary to popular belief, many women enjoy earning money and take pride in their financial achievements. To suggest that a woman’s income holds no value in a shared household is completely dismissive. It’s a narrative that teaches women they don’t truly need to learn about or understand money because if they have the “right man,” their finances won’t matter.

This mindset is how many women find themselves in financially abusive relationships or stuck in dynamics that don’t serve them—because they’ve been told, “Your money doesn’t matter if you plan to have a man.”

This narrative is equally harmful to men, as it forces them to find their primary value in their earning potential rather than who they are as individuals. It creates a cycle where men align their worth with their income, often at the expense of developing relational skills or emotional intelligence.

Here’s the thing: managing finances—whether individually or as a couple—is challenging. But getting support from your partner can be a sign of a healthy relationship. Let’s dive into what has helped S and I successfully combine our finances.

1. Be Transparent About Your Numbers

Expenses:
What does it actually cost to run your household each month? I recommend categorizing expenses as non-negotiable, necessities, and negotiable, rather than just “needs and wants.” When S. and I sat down to discuss our expenses, we started with non-negotiables. It took us about three months to clearly define these expenses because what feels non-negotiable to one person might be considered a necessity by the other. Having clarity on the total amount for each category makes it so much easier to talk about money with your partner.

Credit Score:
While this number doesn’t matter much to me due to what I learned during my debt-free journey, it’s incredibly important to my partner. We discussed our credit scores a year before moving in together, and I was honest about my low score (525 at the time). His initial reaction was one of concern, but because I had already done the inner work to process my financial choices, I didn’t feel shame in explaining the reasons behind my credit score. Discussing your credit score early on is crucial, as it impacts your housing options and financial plans as a couple.

Debts:
This number is vital because it directly affects your purchasing power as a couple and influences cash flow. Debt conversations can bring up shame, so approach this discussion with compassion for both yourself and your partner.

Savings:
This number helps you understand your partner’s priorities and sense of security. I recommend discussing savings last, once trust has been established. Depending on your partner’s mindset, this can be a sensitive topic, so tread carefully.

2. Get Clear on Your Values

For instance, neither S. nor I subscribe to a “workhorse” or “keep up with the Joneses” mentality. We value rest, health, and intentionality. Before we lived together, we spent most of our days enjoying time at home or doing things we love, like reading and playing board games.

I run my company at a easeful pace—before pregnancy, I worked 3-4 days a week; during pregnancy, I worked about one day a week; and now, postpartum, I work roughly two hours a day (blogging, creating YouTube content, and managing social media). S. and I discussed these values early on, so we’re aligned.

If we had conflicting values, my slower work pace might worry him, or his free time could frustrate me. But because we’re clear on our shared values, we both respect each other’s contributions, even if they look different than the norm of hustling and grinding.

When discussing finances with your partner, ask:

• What are your values?

• How do these values shape your earning and spending habits?

• How do they show up in your household?

3. Be Patient

Combining finances takes time. Give yourself and your partner room to adjust to shared expenses before setting financial goals. Be patient as you work through any financial pressures or anxieties. Managing money is a process, and you’ll both need time to find your rhythm.

If you can be transparent about your numbers, get clear on your values, and practice patience, managing finances with your significant other can be a lot smoother. Remember, the goal isn’t perfection—it’s partnership.