Embracing My Personal Style Vibes
2024
Recently, an amazing woman from my TikTok community left a comment on my personal style journey try-on haul. She said, “I know I sound like a broken record, but casual just isn’t your vibe. You exude sophistication, success, forward mobility, and grace. Upscale looks are your go-to 24/7.”
And she’s one thousand percent right.
For the last twenty years, I’ve tried, without success, to become a “casual” woman. I convinced myself that my style was very laid-back because I’m a mom to a handsome son, and for years, I spent most of my time chasing him around in jeans, t-shirts, and sneakers. I also believed that off-stage, I wasn’t really interested in the frills and fuss of my on-stage looks. Lastly, I assumed my style was casual because my childhood best friend was always so fashion-forward, and there didn’t seem to be room for both of us to be fashionistas.
But what I’ve come to realize on this personal style journey is that the circumstances of your life only have a small impact on your true style. Being a mom to a boy didn’t wash away my fashion sense—if anything, it made it more obvious. Other moms would often ask me where I planned to go after my son’s football practices because of how I was dressed. My answer? Nowhere. This was just my look for the day.
The second thing I’ve learned is that when I’m dressed for the stage, ready to deliver a motivational message, I feel happiest and most like myself. I used to think those outfits were just a “uniform” I wore for work, but now I see that they reflect my truest style.
Lastly, I’ve realized that comparison doesn’t just steal joy—it steals perspective. Instead of seeing my impeccably styled best friend as an inspiration or recognizing that we both loved fashion, I spent too much of our childhood and early adulthood feeling jealous and insecure. I let her be the “fashionable friend,” while I took on the self-imposed title of the “plain Jane” friend. My insecurities stopped me from experimenting with my style in my twenties, and my jealousy kept me from asking questions and growing.
If I could do it all over again, I wouldn’t change a thing because it’s brought me to where I am today. While I’m still not 100% confident in my personal style, I now have years of experience to help guide my decisions. I have a bank account that allows me to explore and experiment, and most importantly, I have the confidence of a mature woman. That confidence cancels out the criticism that often prevents so many women from discovering their true sense of style.
When I think back on the TikTok comment, I’m proud of the part of me that has always shined through, no matter the circumstances, self-doubt, or comparisons. That part of me held strong and continued to express itself. I’m excited to embrace that even more and to be intentional in my style moving forward.
The words I’m considering to define my personal style vibes are: comfort, sophisticated, elevated, and powerful. Using Kitchener’s style tool, I’ve identified myself as a Romantic Classic—and I’m ready to embody that fully.
Actual footage of me recycling in 2012 captured by niece Jada.
