Why Some People Just Can’t Have Healthy Relationships
In my opinion, everyone deserves healthy, whole, and happy relationships. But let’s face it—getting into one is often easier said than done. Whether we’re in our early twenties, mid-thirties, forties, fifties, or beyond, many of us find ourselves seeking meaningful friendships, romantic partnerships, and even healthy coworking relationships.
But why does it seem like some people effortlessly build deep connections and enjoy thriving relationships, while others struggle to find that same ease?
The short answer? Some people were given what I call a relationship starter kit.
What Is a Relationship Starter Kit?
A relationship starter kit is like winning the parent lottery. It means you grew up with two emotionally mature parents who helped you navigate your emotional landscape throughout childhood, adolescence, and into adulthood.
If you had this, you likely:
Saw examples of healthy connections.
Formed secure attachments.
Witnessed conflict and resolution modeled in a constructive way.
Learned how to regulate your emotions and express your needs.
Having a relationship starter kit doesn’t mean your life was free of pain or trauma. But it does mean that when challenges arose, you had access to physical, financial, mental, and emotional support to help you navigate the hard parts of life.
Why It Matters
People who received a relationship starter kit tend to form bonds and connections with ease. They’re also able to maintain relationships without losing their sense of self. For them, relationships feel natural, and they often thrive in environments where trust and vulnerability are nurtured.
Unfortunately, not all of us were given this foundational advantage—and that’s okay. If you didn’t get a relationship starter kit, it doesn’t mean healthy relationships are out of reach. It just means you might need to intentionally build the skills and habits that others received early in life.
Resources for Building Healthy Relationships
If you didn’t grow up with a relationship starter kit, here are some resources to help you get started on your journey toward healthier, happier connections:
Self-Reflection Journal – Start by journaling about your relationship patterns, feelings, and desires. Self-awareness is key.
In The Meantime by Iyanla Vanzant – A powerful guide for healing your heart and preparing for better relationships.
Trust by Iyanla Vanzant – Learn how to build trust with yourself and others.
Excuses Begone! by Dr. Wayne Dyer – Overcome limiting beliefs that hold you back from connection.
What Do You Really Want For Your Children by Dr. Wayne Dyer – Offers insights for breaking generational patterns.
You Can Heal Your Life by Louise L. Hay – Explore how self-love and healing your past can transform your relationships.
Don’t Forget Therapy
While these books and tools are incredible, therapy is one of the most powerful ways to rewire your relationship patterns. A trained therapist can help you unpack past wounds, learn new skills, and navigate the path to healthier relationships with compassion and support.
Share Your Journey
I hope you enjoyed this week’s podcast episode! If it resonated with you, take a screenshot while you’re listening and share it on Instagram. Be sure to tag me so I can celebrate your journey toward healthier, happier relationships.
Remember, everyone deserves love and connection—it’s never too late to build the relationships you’ve always dreamed of.
